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The world is divided into two types of people. Those who manage their time and write books about it, and those who read the books and wish they could do it. In a perfect world where you have absolute control of your life, time management wouldn’t be too difficult. Provided you could manage yourself (which in itself represents a challenge for some people) you could manage your time. However, we don’t live in a perfect world. There are imperfections around, like other people, who have their own agendas, schedules and priorities and who are determined to hijack our time to complete their tasks. Now, many years ago professionals cottoned on to the fact that time was a saleable commodity, and began to offer people their undivided attention and abilities for a period of time in exchange for a hefty amount of cash. So they were and are quite willing to let you hijack their time for your own benefit. Check that out next time you phone your lawyer for a word of advice. But in the run of the mill workplace your colleagues have no intention of handing over a portion of their pay cheque in exchange for you listening to the story of their marital woes over coffee while your work backs up. And your manager who is under pressure from those in the higher echelons of the company to perform is not considering a monetary exchange when she asks you to spend more of the time you haven’t got to work on the project she remembered this morning had to be completed by yesterday. At home, your family is not going to empty their piggy banks to buy the time you had firmly blocked out as, “read next chapter of Dr. Phil.” Time management is not so much about managing our own time as preventing other people managing it for us. While there is no perfect defense, there are two fortifications you can erect against the relentless assault. Firstly, you need to have a plan for how you intend using your time. If you have planned your own time then you have a reason for others not to use it. When the boss asks you to “quickly do this”, you will be able to show him what you are currently working on, how that has a higher priority and then also offer another part of your time in which to schedule the work. That is far better than dropping what you are doing to fulfill someone else’s whim, usually brought about because they have failed to manage their time, and then falling behind on important work. If someone asks you what you are doing right now, and you respond with: “Nothing in particular”, you have effectively dropped the drawbridge and raised the portcullis for the invading army to enter. Unless you really are doing nothing, you need to be able to state clearly what you are doing and why it needs to be done at that time. And you can only do that if you have planned your own time. Never feel the need to apologise for planning your work and your time and sticking to it. Which brings us to the second fortification –self-confidence. Whenever I have coached someone about time management we discover that at the root of the problem lies a lack of self confidence. To manage time well requires a firm belief in your right to your time. Or, to put it bluntly, in your right to say, “No.” A lack of self-confidence quickly leads to feelings of guilt when we need to be firm with others about our time. A poor self image doesn’t allow us to see ourselves or our time as important, and so we become too willing to allow other “more important” people with “more important” time demands to invade our time. Plan your time and be confident enough to know that your time is just as important as anyone else’s and you will have two solid fortifications against those who think they have the right to hijack your time.
The other day my wife asked me to read the label on a medicine bottle. Now, before I go any further, let me explain in my defence that the label had very small, black print against a purple background. Not the best combination for clarity. I gazed at the merging swirls of black and purple, unable to make out anything that resembled a word. In desperation, I removed my glasses. The printing snapped into clear focus. It was a bitter-sweet triumph as I realized I am on the threshold of the bi-focal stage of life. I have worn glasses since my late teens, but of late I have noticed that to focus up close I need to remove them. The lenses on which I have depended for so many years are now, in some cases, becoming more of a hindrance than a help. In the theory of psychological type, we talk about the preference a person has developed over time to help them cope with life. In response to given situations repeated over time, we develop habits or preferences to cope with those situations. We repeat those responses every time the situation arises until eventually we respond to them according to the preference we have developed without even realizing it. These preferences are the lenses through which we look at life. They help us “see” life and understand what we are looking at. But because we have chosen a certain set of lenses we are, by the same token, blinded to things our lenses are unable to show us. There is nothing wrong with looking at life through the lenses we have chosen. But there is a problem when we don’t realise that we are in fact wearing lenses. Ignorance of our lenses is dangerous. It’s a bit like drunken driving. Drunk drivers always believes they are perfectly capable of handling the vehicle. The very thing that makes them unable to drive also makes them unaware of their incapacity. If we do not acknowledge that we look at life through a chosen set of lenses we come to believe that we are able to handle life while being unaware of our blind spots. If we are unaware of our lenses we come to believe that our way is the only way to see the world. Once we are aware that we have made choices, that we have developed a preferred way of dealing with life, that we look at life through a chosen set of lenses which, while helpful, have their short comings, we are able to appreciate that other people see life through different lenses. Their lenses may not be that same as ours, but they are equally helpful and serve the same purpose – to help them understand life. If we believe that our way of seeing the world is the only way, we fall into intolerance, misunderstanding and ignorance. If we appreciate that there are other, equally valid ways of understanding life we move into acceptance, understanding and wisdom. So, here’s a challenge. Think of someone you usually disagree with. Then try to work out why you disagree with them. Figure out what lenses they are wearing which cause them to see things in a different way. And now, the big challenge. Take off your glasses and try theirs on. See if you can, just for a while, look at the world the way they see it. This doesn’t mean you will then come to agree with them. It does mean, however, that you understand why they see things differently and that, from their perspective, their opinions are as logical as yours. Like my glasses which now get in the way, understanding that we do have lenses means that we can use them when appropriate and put them aside when not appropriate. Knowing what our lenses are means that we can gauge when they have outlived their usefulness and have become more of a hindrance than a help. If we are not aware of their existence they will continue to get in the way and become a disability. If you want to find our what lenses you are wearing, monitor your reactions to other people and to situations and then ask yourself why you responded in that way, and what other options did you have. As you become more aware of the options you choose and those you discard, you will discover a pattern in your choices. These are your preferences, the lenses you have developed to look at life. Once you are aware of them you will be able to understand where they serve you well, and where it might be more appropriate to remove them so that you can see life more clearly.
Greg had always played by the rules. He had worked hard at school and university, graduating with a degree in engineering. He got a job, married and settled down to a stable life and good future. When he was retrenched at the age of 42 he was astounded. This was not the way things were supposed to turn out. He had done everything he had been told to do, and yet here he was without a job, a family to support and very little chance of finding employment. What had he done wrong? Greg had done nothing wrong, except play life by the wrong set of rules. Like so many people, Greg had been living with assumptions about life which were appropriate twenty years ago. The rules had changed. Greg got caught in the gap and lost. The old rules of life were simple. Firstly, if you were honest and worked hard then lives, careers, economy and culture would get better year by year and generation by generation. Life would unfold along an ever improving line. It was assumed that education was for children to set them up for success in the adult world of careers, family life and leadership. The main activity for adults was working, and any education beyond training in the workplace played a minor role. Once you had set youself up in life, you would reach a steady state of happiness and security that would last the rest of your life. Usually this would mean moving from an education phase into employment and staying there until a well earned retirement. All this would come about if you followed the directives of society. To be successful you simply had to follow the accepted rules about education, marriage, religion, careers and obligations to your country. Your values and actions were governed by an external set of rules. These rules worked well until fairly recently. But now they are obsolete. And yet they remain the rules by which many people still live. The result is they are caught out and, like Greg, find themselves floored when life doesn’t deliver the expected results. If you want to succeed in the new work environment, adapt to the new rules. Here’s some of the new thinking for you to get your mind around: • Life no longer follows a steady line of improvement. Instead life is now like a series of chapters. We have to reinvent ourselves for each new chapter, acquiring new skills, making frequent transitions and developing new understandings. In the new, always-changing workplace responding to fluctuating market needs, those who want to stay in the game have to be prepared to work at a place for a season, and then move on to new, different employment requiring different abilities. • Education is not only for children. Learning is the primary activity throughout life as we acquire new skills and change careers. Constant learning is required to succeed in a changing work environment.What you knew was great for the last chapter, but now you’re in a new chapter and you need the education to go with it. • The only constant in life is continuous change. You will not arrive at a steady state, a place where your life becomes crystallized and predictable. Learn to manage change, and not be afraid or defeated by it. • Rely on your own inner beliefs. Other people cannot provide the rules and guidelines for you. Live with purpose, shaping your own actions with the strength of positive thoughts about who you want to be in the world.
Follow this instruction carefully. Don’t think about a red car! I can guarantee that the first thing that came to your mind after reading that was – a red car. The reason for this is that we cannot think in the negative. In order to get to the negative we first have to go through the positive. In order not to think about a red car we first have to think about it and then not think about it. This would suggest that everything we say to ourselves is received by our brain- even the things we do not want to receive. Our brains are exceptionally absorbent sponges taking in vast amounts of information- and we are unaware of most of it. It is thought that every experience we have ever had is stored somewhere in our mind. In our thinking processes some of that material is accessed, even material we did not know was there, and it influences the way we think and how we respond to situations. If we do not want to do something – such as not thinking about the red car – we tend to give ourselves the instruction in the negative; “Don’t do this”, or “I will not.” Although our intention is then to do the opposite of the negative statement, what has in fact happened is that we have planted in our mind the very concept that we want to avoid. I do not want to think about the red car, but my mind thinks about it in order to follow the instruction. It makes sense then to state a desired action in the positive. So rather than say “Do not think about a red car”, it would be better to say, “Think about a yellow car.” Then the mind will think only about the desired object. So, if you want to succeed say, “I will succeed,” not, “I must not fail”. By telling yourself not to fail, you have introduced to your mind the concept of failure. In fact, the mind will dwell on the possibility of failure, and thus make failure more likely, before it comes to success. A child might walk happily and bravely along a wall. The parent says, “Don’t fall”. The child’s mind now thinks about falling, and the likelihood of the child falling increases – exactly what the parent wanted to avoid. Try catching your negative statements today. Think about how you can reframe your “I must not” statements into “I will” statements.
CONFLICT is a word that has got itself a bad name. Many of us try to avoid it at all costs because we have been brought up to believe that conflict is bad. Of course, that puts us in a difficult position because conflict is inevitable. All it requires for a conflict to exist is for two people to have different opinions or different goals in a situation where only one opinion or goal is possible. Invariably, any relationship, whether it is a personal relationship or a business relationship, will have conflict. It is impossible for people to co-exist having the same opinions and goals all the time. Since we cannot not have conflict, the question must be around what we do with conflict. One option is to ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist. In relationships where people claim to have no conflict this is normally the path taken. They have no conflict only because they refuse to admit there is a conflict. Not only does ignoring conflict lead to suppressed anger, festering discontent and passive aggression, it also denies the relationship the creative potential that lies in conflict. Another option is to use conflict destructively. This scenario exists where one party insists on having their way at any cost. The process used in this case is to damage the other party to the point where they cease to offer resistance – and the aggressive party “wins”. Many people argue using destructive conflict handling methods. They make statements that are not so much designed to put forward their opinions as to hurt the other person. Typically, they drag facts into the argument that have no immediate relevance to the disagreement. A couple having a disagreement over finances suddenly discover themselves arguing about the fact that he never hangs up the bath towels! Again, there is no real victory here as the “loser” goes away unhappy, angry and looking for another opportunity to engage battle. Conflict can be used creatively, in a way in which both parties openly and honestly share their opinions with the intention of finding a good solution. In this scenario, the parties deal with the conflict with the desire that, as far as possible, both parties “win” - finding a solution that is genuinely acceptable to both. In the best use of creative conflict, the final solution is greater than the sum of the two individual goals. Conflict releases energy. That source of energy can be denied, or the energy can be used destructively. It can also be harnessed and used to produce movement in a positive direction. The internal combustion engine is a great example of conflict harnessed to a positive end. Petrol fumes and sparks do not co-exist comfortably. Yet in the right conditions, and controlled in the right way, that conflict produces the energy which moves millions of people and tons of goods every day. Conflict is not bad. Its value lies in harnessing it to generate energy for powerful solutions. |
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